#SkyUNFAIL!

Click to enlarge

And so the moral of this story is .... there are still a few good eggs in Customer Services. They work on a Thursday night at Sky. Got a problem? Then call Sweet-Louisa or Super-Jack or someone like them in call-centres across Britain, seek those people out and you WILL have your problem resolved.

Louisa, Jack AngryBritain.com salutes you.

#SkyFAIL! Feedback? I'll give you feedback!

Click to enlarge - Yes they really did send this tonight ...

#SkyFAIL! - Webfilter? Schmebfilter!

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#SkyFAIL! It gets better! - Response

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#SkyFAIL! It gets better!

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#SkyFAIL! Update

Click to enlarge - Read bottom one first!

SkyFAIL!

Click to enlarge:

Trend Setter? Be on TV!

AngryBritain has been asked to help find male Carrie Bradshaws for a new series of The Charlotte Church Show (She's a busy girl eh?). Flyer below - Click to enlarge:

Good luck cool cats, and as always, don't forget to tell them AngryBritain.com sent you!

Be on TV with Charlotte Church!

We've been contacted by another TV company (We're going to have to start charging!), to help them find people for a new pilot show starring the very very lovely Welsh strumpet that is Charlotte Church.

Details below:

Do You Have an Interesting or Quirky Obsession?

A new Channel 4 ‘Charlotte Church’ pilot is looking for individuals with interesting and quirky obsessions. Can you tell a car make by its engine? Can you remember every cast member of your favourite TV programme; can you name your favourite pop song when played backwards? Do you know everything about your favourite pop band? It could really be anything!!

If you or know of someone with a quirky obsession and would like to hear some further information, then please get in touch with me, Laura, on 0207 749 3164 or email me lauras@monkeykingdom.com.

As always don't forget to tell them that AngryBritain.com sent you!

Now, where's that Star Trek collection ...

Be on TV with Charlotte Church!

We've been contacted by another TV company (We're going to have to start charging), to help them find people for a new pilot show starring the very very lovely Welsh strumpet that is Charlotte Church.

Download the International Interview Podcast!

AngryBritain's International Interview on China Radio International is now available to download as a Podcast.

Link below:

http://bit.ly/78RkrZ

Worth 60 minutes of anybody's time we recko, so put the kettle on, your feet up and listen in to AngryBritain talking about why 'Cool Britannia' is now more like 'Fool Britannia'

It's International Day!

Tonight (Well tomorrow morning at 2am!) Will see AngryBritain.com going International. If you are unable to sleep we will be on the panel of the Today program on Beyond Beijing, talking about what happened to Cool Britannia. The discussion topics are as follows:

A policy document published a couple of years ago by the opposition Conservative party painted a picture of Britain as a broken society riddled with debt and addiction, welfare dependency, family breakdown and educational failure. It said that family breakdown costs £24 billion a year, educational underachievement £18 billion and crime £60 billion. Is Britain broken?

Who broke it? Some say the left is largely responsible for the destruction and despair – conversely, others say the country is fighting a war on two fronts: the economic downturn and the lingering legacy of Margaret Thatcher. Which is it?

Susan Anderson, director of public services and skills policy at the Confederation of British Industry says the number of 18-24 year olds not in employment, education, or training will continue to rise. She says “We know from the 1980s recession that unemployment scars the lives of young people, so they need our support.” Are they getting it?

Official figures from the Government's Department for Children, Schools and Families indicated that 959,000 of the nation's 16- to 24-year-olds were classified as NEET (not in employment…etc) by June 2009. That is an extraordinary number. Why is there such a lack of opportunities?

Immigration has become an almost taboo word in what has been described as today’s Politically Correct Multicultural Britain. Yet it is a matter of fact that where there are nearly million of the so-called NEETS, that number is matched by Eastern European workers – largely low skilled – that have been recruited by British employers in the last 4 years. Is there a connection?

As we’ve just mentioned, sometimes even just talking about problems related to immigration can immediately lead to accusations of being a member of the British National Party. But just how concerned are average citizens, and is there any really sensible debate in the UK over immigration?

It has also been suggested – at least according to a report released by the Department of Work and Pensions – that the NEET phenomenon is at least partly (and possibly largely) due to the fact that “British workers lack basic employability skills, incentives and motivation.” Fair comment?

If we take the report from the DW&P at face value, then obviously it is a pretty shocking indictment of the education system, wouldn’t you say? According chief executive Sir Tom Leahy of the Tesco supermarket chain, “despite all the money that has been spent, standards are still woefully low in too many schools.” In 2008, 40% of 16-year-olds failed final high school exams in math and 37% failed the same tests in English. What has gone wrong?

“Broken Britain” is a term that the Sun newspaper in the UK uses to describe the supposed lawlessness of the youth there. Just casual reading of the headlines on UK newspaper websites suggests that there is indeed a problem with youth crime – and in particular knife crime. But are the press exaggerating the problem simply to sell papers?

Legendary British actor Sir Michael Caine has been somewhat outspoken on youth violence in Britain and even suggests a return to national service. Not to put boots on the ground in Afghanistan, but simply to give the youngsters a sense of belonging somewhere, to something, rather than what he describes as an aimless existence. So, non-combat national service? What do you think?

Two British academics argue that almost every social problem, from crime to obesity, stems from one root cause: inequality. Here are some figures. Obesity is twice as common in the UK as the more equal societies of Sweden and Norway. Teenage birth rates are six times higher in the UK than in more equal societies. The academics say countries such as the US and the UK where the top 20% earn seven, eight or nine times more than the lowest 20%, scored noticeably higher on all social problems at every level of society than in countries such as Sweden and Japan, where the differential is only two or three times higher at the top. So is that the root cause of Broken Britain?

It is all well and good blaming everything on Maggie Thatcher and the Tories – but according to research the Labour government has only maintained inequality at the level at which it inherited it. While there has been some positive action at the bottom income levels for pensioners and young families, the damage has all been done at the other end. Peter Mandelson said early in the Labour administration, 'We are intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich. And according to the academics, he has been as good as his word. Is there really anything to choose from between the Labour Party and the Conservatives these days?

Britain’s National Health Service used to be the envy of nations! But the other day I read this rather weak attempt at humour – “The National Health Service – a free for all but worthless to many.” Too harsh?

Paraphrasing from the UK Progressive website: Gordon Brown knows that as despised as his Labour Government currently is, the Tories, because of their own past history and an unconvinced electorate with the leadership ability of David Cameron – next year’s election is still wide open. Is it? Which way do you think (wish?) it will go?

Listen live on the Internet: www.AM880.net

Angry? Another Chance to be on TV!!

As you know from time to time AngryBritain.com gets asked by TV companies to find people for shows they are making. Well this time they've definately come to the right place!

Angry? Then you're destined for stardom:

"Wanted: The Angriest People In Britain

Mild and gentle TV company would like to meet exceedingly angry people for a TV pilot.

We're looking for ravers and ranters who are always stressed and lose their temper at every little thing.

Does your spouse despair? Do you terrify customer service assistants and traffic wardens?

We would love to get to know you better, especially if you wouldn't mind being on camera and would be up for trying some quirky anger management techniques.

We would also love to some home footage of you behaving badly. Have friends ever caught one of your outbursts on camera? If so send us a link!

Please contact me asap if you're interested: shamini@twohandproductions.com

Quirky Anger Management Techniques? We'll have some of that - it's got to be better TV than I'm a Celebrity ... Don't forget to mention AngryBritain.com sent you!

A lesson in Journalism in Britain today ...

And the power of Social Media ...

EPIC FAIL!

AngryBritain.com goes International 27th November

AngryBritain.com is going international on 27th Nov on China Radio International

Pretty much everything will be on the table for discussion: What happened to 'Cool Britannia' - why are Britons so angry? We'll look at the national health service (once the envy of the world) to violence on the streets - that prompted Sir Michael Caine to suggest a return of National Service.

The "NEET" generation - Not in employment, education or training...

Of course, immigration, unemployment... aging population...

Is Britain broken? Who broke it? Can it be fixed?

Whatever happened to Cool Britannia?

Listen Live - 2am UK time

http://english.cri.cn/08webcast/today.htm

Mama's and Crapa's

A word of warning to expectant, dewey eye'd, parents out there looking to buy furniture for their nursery. AngryBritain has crossed swords with Mama's and Papa's, and they aren't playing nice.

So now, neither are we.

In summary, we bought their 'Murano' furniture in May. It's falling to pieces. And apparently it's our fault:

"I have spoken to our technical department and they have suggested the following:-

1) Please can you check the instructions as there is a possibility that the runners are upside down. (They aren't!)

2) The other thing to check is that the correct location holes have been used as over time the drawers could slip out if the correct ones have been used. (They have!)

3) Generally the advice is to check the instructions as we are confident that if followed correctly the drawers will fit ... (AngryBritain is good at FlatPacks!)

... The advice that I have been given is that after this length of time the only other contributory factors could be caused my movement of the item or overloading of the drawers ... I have advised that it is difficult for me to establish what has occurred and it is possible that the issues could be attributed to how the product has been used.

Mama's & Papa's Customer 'Care' "

They've offered a replacement, we don't want it. We want a refund. We are entitled to one under the Sale of Goods Act - the furniture is not 'fit for purpose' as you can see from the pic and the admission above.

So, if you are looking for furniture that you can actually build without the help of Craig off Big Brother, put stuff in and use, and very occasionally move - might AngryBritain suggest Ikea?

Can we have that refund now? ...

FAIL!

Unusual Habit? - Be on TV!

AngryBritain.com has been approached again by TV company, Endemol, the people who make Big Brother to help them find people who might be interested in taking part in a new TV show for BBC Three. See below - (Click to enlarge):

Please don't forget to mention that AngryBritain sent you!

Dear Dave,

From the mobile desk of AngryBritain.com

(For which read the 08.23 to Hastings from London Bridge)

Dear Mr Cameron

‘I have a dream’

So, it’s now 08.23 and I have just boarded the train to Tonbridge to go to a series of meetings to compete for some work which just might make me enough money to cover this month’s exorbitant bills and taxes. I left home at 06.21 first battling with London Blunderground from Watford to get here.

While stood on the concourse at London Bridge clutching my overpriced coffee from CaféBucksRepublic, last nights Evening Standard billboard caught my eye.

‘Cameron dreams of a Better Britain’ it said.

AngryBritain.com dreams of a Better Britain too, so I thought I’d get in touch via the the interweb and say hello, and maybe even see if we could be friends on TwiFaceSpace.

Let me introduce you to www.AngryBritain.com. We are the online home of fed up Brits. A place where like-minded individuals gather and share experiences of the horrors of living in Brown’s Britain.

We’ve been on telly and radio quite a bit, and you might even have heard of us, though we would never be that presumptuous. We’ve even got a couple of thousand followers on Twitter. Not bad for a fat bloke with an internet connection and an overdraft. Some way off @Wossy I grant you but he blocked me anyway so sod him.

If you peruse the following link, you’ll see some of these real-life horrors for yourself:

http://www.angrybritain.com/beef.html

Interesting reading yes?

As a nation, we’ve had enough. Had enough of high taxes, bad Government, dishonesty, poor manners, lawless streets and discourtesy. AngryBritain.com is here to stay and we’ll always battle on to mend Broken Britain long after the Scottish windbag, or whoever happens to succeed him come May 2010 has forgotten about their election promises.

What AngryBritain wants to know is: Are you really any different? Do you really care about ‘mending Broken Britain’

If you do, you might just get my vote.

Finally, I read this morning that you want to ‘Sprinkle a little stardust’ in your cabinet and the house-hunting thinking-man’s TV crumpet Kirstie Allsop is ‘In advanced discussions’. AngryBritain would like to be ‘In advanced discussions’ too or maybe even just grab one of those overpriced CafeBucksRepublic Coffees with you some time.

We’ll even pay - out of our own non-expensed pockets.

What have you got to lose?

Oh yes, an election.

The AngryMan

www.angrybritain.com

www.twitter.com/angrybritain

angryman@angrybritain.com

You think you know someone ...

You think you know someone, right?

You think you've got them down, their funny ways, habits and how they do business and then straight out of nowhere they suprise you and show their true colours.

All that previous history obliterated in seconds.

It's not very often this blog is personal, but today AngryBritain.com is smarting. We've been let down badly by a friend.

That person knows who he is, and we hope he's happy.

AngryBritain will soldier on without him yet despite this we still wish him well.

Thanks for nothing

Dear Sirs,

Account Number

After many years of joyous overspending and freely available credit, and the countless thousands I have paid you in extortionate and ever increasing interest charges over the years, now having cleared the balance in full please find enclosed the plastic bane of my life to dispose of as you see fit.

Yes, that’s right, please close my account arrivederci, ciao-ciao and au revoir to a lifetime of debt and misery

When you sort yourselves out and realise that not lending is going to make you bankrupt and you start lending again, please don’t bug me to borrow or take out another card, I will be too busy pissing your potential interest charges up the wall on fast cars and faster women. If my girlfriend lets me.

Many thanks for nothing over the years

Who’s your daddy bitch?

Mr

www.angrybritain.com

#bollockstobreastcancer

It's takes a lot to impress AngryBritain.

On Friday we were chatting to a lovely lady who was going to help us become more vain than we are already. Just 24 hours later and this lovely lady had had some horrible news.

But, instead of rolling over she has pulled on the biggest pair of boxing gloves I've ever seen and is going to fight, fight and fight some more.

She's fought so much already that people have started to listen and there's a campaign running across Twitter right now called #bollockstobreastcancer - Damien Hirst is supporting and has designed the T-Shirt you see above. So, if you are a Twitterist, please log on and support this lady.

She knows who she is, and AngryBritain.com is impressed.

#bollockstobreastcancer

An open letter to Nickelodeon and The Disney Channel

Nickelodeon &

The Disney Channel

Dear TV Execs,

Back when I were a lad John Noakes and Shep used to fill my afternoons with the many wonders that Britain had to offer in the late 70's, like actually going outside and playing with my friends. In a time before the Health and Safety Nazis this might have included pretending to be Evil Knievel by sticking a lolly stick between the spokes of my Chopper for an 'authentic' motorbike noise before peddling desperately towards a badly fabricated ramp made from some limp carboard and a couple of bricks.

Time after time the ramp would collapse, and time after time I'd clock up another cut knee or grazed elbow. From behind the orange Austin Maxi, and the bucket of highly toxic chemicals being used to wash it, my dad would appear and shout 'Get up and stop crying you big girl'. And I did, again and again until mum called out that my Findus Crispy Pancakes and Alphabites were ready.

The 'outside' offerred endless possibilities for kids to die in the late 70's and early 80's. I remember one episode where, after donning my very trendy new blue Adidas tracksuit, a pal and I went off on an adventure (on our own) to the demolished wreck of some old buildings near my house. We happened upon a couple of tins of white paint and using our ingenuity we managed to prize them open using some sticks and bits of old rubble. Well, you can imagine the rest but suffice to say I got a back-hander and spent the night in my room. Without Crispy Pancakes. or Alphabites. Alone.

Sadly we all grow up. Sort of.

Me, well I've got a lovely partner, two lovely girls,7 and 3 mths, a job in IT, no FaceSpaceBo page or money in the bank. Mr Brown has seen to that.

I do however have Virgin Media, Nickleodeon, The Disney Channel and a 7 year old who says 'Dude', 'Oh my God', 'Whatever', 'No', Dumb', 'Lame', 'Moron' and occasionally other less wholesome phrases. She also has the desire to have a boyfriend and 'Snog' him and absolutely no concept of 'Bedtime' or the 'Outside'. I also have 2000+ followers on Twitter thanks mostly to my website AngryBritain.com and letters like these.

Seeing as Nick, Nick JR and Nick Replay, The Disney Channel, The Disney Channel +1 are more or less on continuously in my household unfortunately I lay the blame for the majority of this squarely at your doors. I take a modicum of responsibility for the less wholesome phrases, I am human after all. I remember an incident way back in the 80's where I told my dad cheekily to 'F*ck off'.

I only did it once.

So let's begin with what I deem to be acceptable language in childrens television. Clearly the 'F' word is never going to appear on Nickleodeon or Disney - this is a good thing. Leave it to Eastenders, it's only a matter of time.

IMHO (In my humble opinion) 'OMG!', 'Oh my God' and 'Moron' are not really ideal phrases for a 7 year old to be repeating:

Guilty! - Spongebob: 'I didn't realise it was happy hopping moron day - Squidward'.

Guilty! - Hannah Montana - Whilst no doubt having grown up in a luxurious trailer park with Billy-Ray, among her badly pronunciated illiterate ramblings you'll quite often hear 'OMG!' or 'Oh my God, I'm stoked'. Roughly translated into the Queens English this means 'Poked by Jesus - or of course the deity of your choosing'

The dumbing down of language on kids TV is obvious, and it's not getting any better. Personally I'm looking forward to 'Da' News at Ten' in about 20 years. Innit?.

In 1980's Britain family was everything. My little sister may have been the victim of a 'My Little Pony Abbatoir' but this was meant in jest and I never actually cut the heads off any of them. Lets move on then to the portrayal of relationships or more specifically the hateful interaction between brothers and sisters, utter lack of respect towards parents or morals.

Guilty! - iCarly - Carly's blonde pal Sam teaching her brother Spencer to lie 'effectively'. Lying is not ok. Not ever.

Cut off her broadband and send her to her room.

So to my 7 year old's 'boyfriend' issue, we have our gushing High School Musical heroes Troy-exaggerated-head-movement-Bolton and Gabriella-sickly-sweet-Montez, always sneaking off for 'private' moment on a rooftop terrace, treehouse or walk under the stars, inevitably ending in a song and dance routine. And a disturbed kiss.

My 7 year old doesn't need to know how to sneak off to kiss boys thank you Disney. And don't even get me started on Sharpay-exactly-how-not-to-behave-to-get-what-you-want-fabulous-pink-prada-tote-Evans.

My final point is interactive. Back in the days of John Noakes kids TV finished at 5pm, Bedtime was shortly after. There were no arguments. I hereby invite you to drop by AngryTowers one evening and try and prize my 7 year old away from the sofa to go to bed while one of these shows is on late at night. Most nights she will go to bed in tears because the show she is watching is 'her favorite and she hasn't seen this one' and thanks to the likes of Spongebob and iCarly, I'm a 'moron' and don't need to be obeyed.

We really don't need 24/7 Nickleodeon or Disney Channel. Really we don't. Up to 7pm will be just fine thank you.

Now I realise that your argument is likely to be that TV viewing is about choice and that we as a family don't have to watch. I entirely agree but for the want of not making my child an outcast I'm left with a difficult choice that I shouldn't really have to make.

So, now you've (possibly) read this thanks to the wonders of the interweb why not trawl the archives one Friday afternoon and have a look at how kids TV used to be made, then take a look at what it's become.

It's not pretty. I prefer the one I we made earlier.

Thanks for watching.

*Fades to Blue Peter music Da-Da-Dada-Da-Da-Da-Da-Daaaaa*

The AngryMan

www.angrybritain.com

www.twitter.com/angrybritain

www.angrybritainblog.blogspot.com

Family Pub. Middlesex style.

Picture the scene - a sunny afternoon by the river in a leafy Middlesex 'family' pub. The delicious waft of burgers cooking on a Barbeque, the sounds of children playing in the big adventure playground and supping an ice cold pint.

'Daddy, can I go and play in the adventure playground?' (Did this c**t tell you he got arrested). 'Yes' (f**k off), 'But come and eat your (w****r) chips first'.

'Shall we get a DVD (f*****g armed police everywhere) tonight?' 'Good idea' (f*****g c**t had a machette and he chased us down the f*****g road). 'What do you want to see?'

'Is baby ok? She must be due a (sliced him on the f*****g chest) bottle' (well f*****g funny claret everywhere)

'Do you want another drink Mrs AB? No, me neither lets go eh, some family (f*** off you c***) pub this is.

FAIL

Death Race 2009 - A Stern Reminder

Click to enlarge:

Death Race 2009

Click for larger image:

Good Morning Thames Water!

The letter in full:

Dear Natural Resource Extortionists,

Account Number: xxxxxxxxx

Outstanding Sum - £52.38

In 1876 Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. It was the future, and a means for human beings to communicate with one another from a distance by means of some wire, electricity and witchcraft. In terms of technology back then, this could be compared today to Doc Brown's time-travelling DeLorean in Back to the Future.

Thankfully achieving a speed of 88mph or generating 1.1 Jigawatts of electricity are not necessary to operate the telephone, which makes me wonder why each member of you hapless organisation to whom I have spoken - whilst being mindful of not 'tarring all with the same brush', because some of my best-friends are call centre workers (twitter/efan78) - are apparently completely incapable of using one effectively. Perhaps for fear of altering the time and space continuum, and becoming their own fathers.

Fortunately for you, or perhaps unfortunately depending on your point of view, I who also go by the name of The AngryMan, from the mildly followed AngryBritain.com, am capable of time-travel.

Let me transport you back to the November 17th 2008. Whooooooooosh.

There I am, locking up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, my six-month tenancy at an end. In my hand I’m holding a piece of paper with the various readings for each utility company, and the phone numbers. Whoooooosh. A couple of hours later and there I am calling you with the readings and giving you a forwarding address for you to send the final bill.

Whoooooooooooosh.

And back to about a month ago. I'm talking to someone in Delhi trying to find out why I've only just received this, along with a final demand and the threat of legal proceedings. Ooooooooo. Incidentally the bill is incorrect, I rather object to paying for water use until March 2009. Some 6 months after I left.

Now don't get me wrong I can see the romance in India, and I hope to follow in Jade Goody's footsteps and visit it one day. The beauty of the Taj Mahal and the history of the Raj fill me with wonder. Wonder that is, why a British company would take the decision to offshore their call centre, where sadly the message is often lost in translation. And it's not their fault, you can tell this from the recently aired and revered documentary 'Mumbai Calling'

Whoooooooosh

To a fortnight ago and I've 'got lucky', I'm speaking to a young lady in your UK call centre who I assume is a hybrid of human and hyena who thought it all rather amusing that I had failed to receive the amended bill - which for the record I am happy to pay - and despite telling her clearly that 'the account is in dispute' and therefore currently uncollectable, that you would be passing my account to a Collection Agency. Oooooooooo. 'I'll send you a revised bill'. She says.

Yes, and i'll find a cure for cancer.

Whooooooosh

To Friday night, I arrive home from a weary week at work hoping to fall upon the gaze of my 8 week old daughter, Clover, to be rewarded with one of those delicious smiles that money simply can’t buy. Instead I am met by the steely glare of Mrs AngryBritain. 'What's this?' she says. The 'this' to which she refers is a letter from CwC Debt Recovery.

After changing my trousers, I had a lovely weekend. Surprisingly dismissive of my impending jail term.

Whooooooosh

To today. Having stuffed the letter in my manbag to be dealt with today, I spotted it whilst hunting around for the last furry Polo mint after the boredom of yet another tube journey set in on the way to work. Surprisingly this letter took just 37 minutes to complete on my iPhone including breaks for 'man-scratching' and I would now like to present it, and the attached letter to CwC to you to deal with.

Being a web-ist I've also presented it to the internet, mostly through vanity:

Here: http://angrybritainblog.blogspot.com , Here: http://www.twitter.com/angrybritain ,and later-on today here: http://www.angrybritain.com

According to Alexa.com, AngryBritain.com currently ranks 3,047,401th most popular site on the internet, and 149,299th most popular site in Britain. Out of an approximate total of 108,000,000 websites that puts us in the top 4%. We acknowledge that while we have some way to go to reach the heady heights of Google or Facebook, that equates to approximately 100,000 hits a day. Not bad huh?.

Anyhow, do get in touch I'd love to resolve this and even perhaps give you some money.

For the record:

“The account is currently 'in dispute' pending a revised bill and therefore legally unenforceable or collectable”

Check the Consumer Credit Act 1974. A marvelous piece of legislation designed to stop faceless organisations such as you using bully-boy tactics to make amends for crap customer service.

The telephone, the thing Bell invented, is the contraption in front of you with the numbers 0-9 on it that makes ringing noises now and again. My number is xxxxxxxxxxx.

Now, I'm off to see what my kids look like so fire up the DeLorean.

Yours not-particularly faithfully,

Mr D xxxxxxx

aka The AngryMan

www.angrybritain.com

Be on TV! (Yes really!)

Dear AngryBlog fans and visitors,

AngryBritain.com has been approached by a TV company to help them find people who might be interested in taking part in a new TV show. See below:

Hello all,

We are looking for contributors who are currently unemployed* to take part in a screen test for a possible new factual entertainment programme.

It will be to take part in a social enterprise experience where a team of people will work together to run a bakery from scratch. This will be run by, Eamon Fullalove, a former head chef of Jamie Oliver's 'fifteen' restaurant.

We would require you for a one-day shoot in London next week.

If you are interested and would like to know more, then please email me laura.smith@princesstv.com.

I shall look forward to hearing from you.

* Unemployed people from all sectors, recently made redundant, bankrupt due losing business, long term unemployed or mothers and fathers trying to return to work.

This is a genuine opportunity to be on TV so please grab it with both hands if you fit the criteria above. Laura is lovely, and got me on The TV Show on C4 a few weeks back. If you're unsure you can always contact AngryBritain via email first: angryman@angrybritain.com

Good luck, sadly we're working otherwise we'd be first in the queue! - Please make sure you mention AngryBritain.com when you contact her!

Shit Ben

As it struck me in the face disturbing me from the solitary slumber of Rick Astley on my iPhone, I spun around like a fat ninja to meet my attacker. To be met by the coarse red fabric of a rucksack.

The rucksack was attached to a rucksack 'type'. Tailored shorts, walking boots and wraparound shades. Like Ben Fogle, only shitter. If being more shit than Ben Fogle is humanly possible.

'Shit Ben' shot me a look that suggested I had just slept with his mother and not wiped up, then continued to read The Metro arms stretched obnoxiously out in front of him. Still attached to his red friend.

After several thousand other sardines had packed themselves onto the 17.53 Jubilee Line from London Bridge, 'Shit Ben' was forced to remove his red 'shell' using the double-flailing-arm-wiggle manoeuvre making it look rather like he had shit himself. Or was about to.

I rubbed my nose stealthily flipping him the birdie and glancing a knowing look. This was a small but satisfying victory for AngryBritain's stinging face. Bad luck 'Shit Ben'.

Rucksackists don't be selfish 'Shit Bens' please remove them before boarding.

And don't even get me started on suitcases with wheels ...