Dear Natural Resource Extortionists,
Account Number: xxxxxxxxx
Outstanding Sum - £52.38
In 1876 Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. It was the future, and a means for human beings to communicate with one another from a distance by means of some wire, electricity and witchcraft. In terms of technology back then, this could be compared today to Doc Brown's time-travelling DeLorean in Back to the Future.
Thankfully achieving a speed of 88mph or generating 1.1 Jigawatts of electricity are not necessary to operate the telephone, which makes me wonder why each member of you hapless organisation to whom I have spoken - whilst being mindful of not 'tarring all with the same brush', because some of my best-friends are call centre workers (twitter/efan78) - are apparently completely incapable of using one effectively. Perhaps for fear of altering the time and space continuum, and becoming their own fathers.
Fortunately for you, or perhaps unfortunately depending on your point of view, I who also go by the name of The AngryMan, from the mildly followed AngryBritain.com, am capable of time-travel.
Let me transport you back to the November 17th 2008. Whooooooooosh.
There I am, locking up
And back to about a month ago. I'm talking to someone in
Now don't get me wrong I can see the romance in
To a fortnight ago and I've 'got lucky', I'm speaking to a young lady in your UK call centre who I assume is a hybrid of human and hyena who thought it all rather amusing that I had failed to receive the amended bill - which for the record I am happy to pay - and despite telling her clearly that 'the account is in dispute' and therefore currently uncollectable, that you would be passing my account to a Collection Agency. Oooooooooo. 'I'll send you a revised bill'. She says.
Yes, and i'll find a cure for cancer.
To Friday night, I arrive home from a weary week at work hoping to fall upon the gaze of my 8 week old daughter, Clover, to be rewarded with one of those delicious smiles that money simply can’t buy. Instead I am met by the steely glare of Mrs AngryBritain. 'What's this?' she says. The 'this' to which she refers is a letter from CwC Debt Recovery.
After changing my trousers, I had a lovely weekend. Surprisingly dismissive of my impending jail term.
To today. Having stuffed the letter in my manbag to be dealt with today, I spotted it whilst hunting around for the last furry Polo mint after the boredom of yet another tube journey set in on the way to work. Surprisingly this letter took just 37 minutes to complete on my iPhone including breaks for 'man-scratching' and I would now like to present it, and the attached letter to CwC to you to deal with.
Being a web-ist I've also presented it to the internet, mostly through vanity:
According to Alexa.com, AngryBritain.com currently ranks 3,047,401th most popular site on the internet, and 149,299th most popular site in
Anyhow, do get in touch I'd love to resolve this and even perhaps give you some money.
For the record:
“The account is currently 'in dispute' pending a revised bill and therefore legally unenforceable or collectable”
Check the Consumer Credit Act 1974. A marvelous piece of legislation designed to stop faceless organisations such as you using bully-boy tactics to make amends for crap customer service.
The telephone, the thing
Now, I'm off to see what my kids look like so fire up the DeLorean.
Yours not-particularly faithfully,
Mr D xxxxxxx
aka The AngryMan