Changes

So, this is the week when everything will change. In a few days, or maybe not even that long, AngryBritains life will be thrown into turmoil, along a road of vomit, shitty nappies and financial hardship and do you know what? 

We can't wait.

We are trying to prepare ourselves as best we can but we are mere amateurs so AngryBritain calls upon you, it's loyal readers for Viz style top-tips on parenting, and all  suggestions will be gratefully received. I think we have the obvious ones covered like not putting baby in the microwave but the rest is a minefield, and Princess Di is no longer available.

You can email me angryman@angrybritain.com or Tweet @angrybritain and after baby comes I'll do a follow-up blog where i'll publish the best suggestions for general amusement.

In the meantime wish me luck and be nice to each other so the fruit of AngryBritain's loin will inherit the beginnings of a better Britain. 

You never know, it might be you next!

Thank you

The AngryMan

www.angrybritain.com

Alrite Cock!

Chaps, this mornings rant is for you.

Having just been assaulted on the Jubilee Line I'm sure this phenomenon is probably more common than most of us would think, however I don't think I've ever heard it mentioned out loud.

As regular readers will know its not very often AngryBritain gets a seat on his crap commute in on the Tube, but this morning we 'Lucked out'. Or so we thought.

Cue Baker St, and it all went a bit Pete 'Thong'

The doors opened and over HE came. Pigeon chest pushed out as far as possible, beautifully gelled hair sticking out in every conceivable direction, the finest italian leather 'manbag' dissecting a pot belly neatly in two. And, the tightest pair of jeans I think I have ever seen. The fly at 3/4s.

And he made a beeline. For me.

Some 10 seconds after our tightly trousered hero entered the Tube, his incredibly tight crotch entered my face. Eye to Japs eye. And it stayed there winking at me threatening to break free, until Waterloo.

Now AngryBritain is in no way a 'gayist' nor unappreciative of the fact that at the best of times the Tube is a packed and unpleasant bodily fluid emporium but Christ-on-a-bike fellas spare a thought for us other chaps sat near you. A Tube can be a little bit like grown-up game of Twister but it is mostly possible to tuck yourself away in someone's armpit so that once plugged in to your iPod (That's free advertising Apple, so a 32GB iPod Touch would be lovely thanks!), you sort of have your own 'space. So chaps, do the decent thing create that 'space' and be 'cock-aware'.

I don't need an early morning dental floss any more than the lady sat next to me.

Rule the world

'Everybody wants to rule the world' sang Tears for Fears (in my ears) this morning.

And who'd have though it, on a dreary London morning, an 80's pop sensation sums up your life.

We are now at t-minus 19 days and counting until the AngryBaby is scheduled to make an appearance at AngryTowers though judging by the amount of wriggling in Mrs ABs tummy this weekend the little bugger could well bust free early. He (or she) is mad, and he (or she) wants out.

But what awaits my very own wonder of creation (other than dashing good looks, obviously)? What will it's little life have in store?. Will it be chips or jacket spuds?

One things for sure, like you: 

'I can't stand this indecision, coupled with a lack of vision'

Britain is in a right old state bankrupt, immoral and sinking into the sea. That's why perhaps now more so than ever AngryBritain is pushing for a better Britain, not just for my offspring but for all of us. 

We're trying to save it but, we can't do it alone. We NEED you! Today the website stands at approximately 50,000 hits allowing for the erroneous freebie hit counter which has been known to disappear on occasion and only records hits to the main landing page. This figure should really have a couple of extra noughts on it though.

AngryBritain costs time and money to run and we will soldier on all the time we know we've got the nation behind us. Think of it as a return to a green and pleasant land where politeness is the norm, and where kids respect their elders. A return to pride in 'earning' a living and providing for your family.

Simple things in complicated times.

It's not hard to get involved. Phrases like 'Have you seen that website?' 'There's this website which ...' 'There's this bloke on Twitter who has a PIT!' Will be indescribably useful in raising awareness about us.

AngryBritain.com will stop short of asking for donations because that's not what we are about. It's true we are seeking help from the press, VC funding and do sell ad space on the site, and very occasionally this might pop up on the site or in our Twitter feed but allow us that little indulgence to perhaps provide a secure future for the site, and for the AngryBaby.

So get behind us Britain, stay proud of the British way of life. Stay Angry. Tell people about us, get them to visit the website, follow us on Twitter, read the Blog and get involved in the fun stuff like playing the AngryBritain game - www.angrybritain.com/angryfun.html, and on Twitter #moanmonday and the all new PIT!

Let's make AngryBritain a household name just like Tears for Fears, but less naff. We're here, we're now and we're:

'So glad we've almost made it'

Thank you

The Angryman

www.angrybritain.com

www.twitter.com/angrybritain

www.angrybritainblog.blogspot.com

Shame on you

Perhaps AngryBritain is just a little more sensitive to it right now with Mrs AB about to bear fruit, but we can't help but notice the number of pregnant ladies battling to work on the Tube every day.

 

Any commuter into London will sympathise, at the best of times the Tube is a horrific place, cramped, hot, sticky and smelly. If you are really lucky, sometimes you might have an inch of 'personal space' between you and the perspiring Polish builder. Room to breathe. Bad things.

 

On the Jubilee Line at Westminster this morning my gaze fell upon a smartly dressed young ladies bosom, but not for the reason you might think. 'Baby on Board' read the badge on her lapel. A badge bearing the London Underground logo, 'Baby on Board' in clear blue writing above it.

 

Really?, Is this what it's come to?

 

Is Britain today so far removed from common decency that pregnant women, the mothers of our children and the future of Britain, need to wear a badge to identify themselves in the hope that this might persuade someone to offer their seat?.

 

And you know what the sad thing is?. Despite the badge, not one commuter offerred.

 

Shame on you Britain.

 

It goes without saying that had AngryBritain had a seat, he would have offerred it without hesitation. However, this morning we were comfortably tucked-up. In the perspiring Polish builders armpit. Which was nice.

 

AngryBritain is calling for a return to common decency at rush hour tonight. If you see this smartly dressed mum-in-waiting, or any other lady wearing a 'Baby on Board' badge, or one who you might suspect is pregnant (they are quite easy to spot, they look like ladies, with bigger tummies). Get your big, fat, lazy, immoral behind out of your cosy seat and offer it to her.

 

If you don't AngryBritain will find you. Capiche?

Home schooled

'Please ask your child to bring a box of tissues for communal use this week', were the words staring back at AngryBritain from the brightly coloured blue letter the 6yr old brought home from school on Friday. 

'Pardon?'

Horrified we sought solace in Twitter only to find that this wasn't unusual in today's education system. Tales of requests for sanitary wipes, left-handed scissors and picking up children from remote locations after school trips due to cost of bringing them back, were all fired at me across the Twitterverse.

Funny, but I was under the impression that we pay taxes to fund our children's education. No?.

One presumes that due to the increased cost of kitchens and new sofas for MPs, there is no longer sufficient budget remaining to provide basic items to complete a school day. Are we then, just one step away from actually teaching our children ourselves?.

I'm sure many other parents, like AngryBritain, also begrudge the mounted assault upon family time in the  evenings and at weekends. 'Read this with your child' 'Make that'. 'Donate, Donate, Donate'.

Only a couple of weeks ago AngryBritain found himself creating an Easter Bunny out of recycled Diet Coke cans (which was rather good, even if I do say so myself - see pic). This took up most of the weekend, while the 6yr old played Wii and looked on nonchalantly, her part done upon handing over the letter and cutting  some string for whiskers.

As many of you will know AngryBritain is less than 4 weeks away from becoming a dad. The daily battle to and from the office means I won't see the AngryBaby before I go to work. And if I'm lucky, and the Tube behaves, I may see my child for 15 minutes before bedtime. For those in any doubt, teachers or Education Ministers reading - This is not ok.

Parents go to work, teachers teach. That's how its always been. Parents go to work to provide for their children, so they can do nice things together in the evenings and at weekends. And pay the teachers wages. Children grow up fast.

Family time is precious. Let's keep it that way.

Not very clever

Ever been called 'not very clever' by someone in 'customer services'. No, me neither. Until today. Marbles Card appears foolishly to have just declared digital-war with AngryBritain.com.

 

The call was recorded for training and security purposes. They had an hour to respond. They chose to ignore it.

 

Let battle commence. See the first salvo below.

You saw it here first!

Viagra smugglers dump stash in the Thames!